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Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Ronald Reagan's soviet jokes Hammer and tickle

Ronald Reagan during his time in office told jokes about life under communism in the old USSR. We will share a few and some clips.

Its hard to get an automobile in the soviet union. They are owned mainly by elite bureaucrats. It takes an average of 10 years to get a car. 1 out of 7 families owned automobiles. You have to go through a major process and put the money out in advance. so this man did this and the dealer said "okay in 10 years come get your car."
"Morning or afternoon?" The man replied.
"well what difference does it make?" Said the dealer.
"The plumber is coming in the morning."

In another car incident, Gorbachev was late from getting to the Kremlin from his house. He told the chauffer, "Look we are running late so let me drive. I insist." So He told the Chaufer to get in the back and he drove. Meanwhile the police were given strict orders to ticket anyone speeding no matter how important. So they were speeding down Moscow and two motorcycle cops pulled them over but didn't ticket him after he saw who it was. He goes back to the station and talks about it and was asked, "Why didn't you ticket him?
"Too important."
"Who was it?"
"I didn't recognize him, but his driver was Gorbachev!"

Two men, an American and a Russian were argueing. One said, in my country I can go to the white house walk to the president's office and pound the desk and say "Mr president! I don't like how you're running things in this country!" The Russian said "I can do that too!"
"Yes! I can go to the Kremlin, walk into the general secretary's office and pound the desk and say, mr. secretary, I don't like how Reagan is running his country!"

Two guards were patroling at night and one of the guards told a man to halt, he started running and he shot him. The other guard asked, "why did you shoot him?" He replied, "curfew"
"But Curfew doesn't start for another hour."
"That's okay, he's my freind, I know he wouldn't make it.

Castro was making a speech to a large assembly. Someone out in the crowd said, "peanuts popcorn crackerjack." This happened about 4 times. So Castro gets annoyed and says, the next man who says that gets deported to Miami. The entire crowd stands up and yells, "POPCORN! PEANUTS! CRACKERJACK!"

3 men, A Frenchmen, a Brit and a Russian are at a museum looking at a portrait of Adam and Eve. The Brit says, "Adam and Eve are British. They wear fig leaves and blush so they must be modest." The Frenchman says, "no, they are French because they are naked and in love." The Russian said, "You're both wrong. They are obviously Russian. They are naked, have only an apple to eat and yet they are told they live in paradise."

An excerpt from an interview between Sam Donaldson and Reagan:

Sam:About the contunuing reccesion you have blamed mistakes of the past and the congress. Does any of the blame belong to you?

Reagan: Yes because for many years I was a Democrat.

The Commisar came to the collective farms to see how the harvest was doing and asked a farmer and the farmer said "Oh commrade commisar! If we took all the potatoes, they would reach the foot of God."
"Comrade farmer, this is the Soviet Union. There is no God."
"Thats okay, there are no potatoes."

Two Russians were walking down the street, one asked the other, "Have we really achieved full communism?" The other said "oh no. Things are about to get worse."

A judge was laughing in his office over a joke he heard. The secretary asked "what's so funny?" He replied "I just heard the funniest joke ever." "what was it?" "I can't say. I just sentenced a man to death for telling it."


Anonymous said...

That was Awesome! I had no idea he made those kinds of jokes. I was still young when he was around.

Kyle said...

I just found out myself.

OKC4435 said...

Wow! I wasn't even born when he was telling these jokes. I wish I knew this sooner. Thanks!

Anonymous said...

I liked the Gorbachev chauffer joke. There was a Christian variation of that except with the Pope as the driver instead of Gorbachev.